Mom may be the name you hear the most. It's not the only name that matters.
Can I tell you how much I need this time?
Because I'm telling you it’s been a little too long since I've had alone time and I am on the verge. On the verge of what?
Pick it. You name it.
Because I am sure that I could go that way because, although I am an extrovert, I am an introvert. Or I'm an introverted extrovert, or I don't know how you would call it, but basically what it comes down to is I love being around people. I love hanging out with my friends, and I am social, and any of my friends would laugh at the fact that I said I'm an introvert, right? They would say, “No way!’
I think it's more that I just need space, sound, physicality- just to be by myself and to fully recharge. Because, man, if I don't get that time and it's been too long, I start to get grumpy.
So let's see what I can do to get out of the situation, because right now I have an hour. And it doesn't seem like enough, doesn't seem like enough. And it’s not. And I will take more time later, but right now I have this hour and I am going to use it to do the thing that I am excited about - and that is talking to you. So let's get into this.
So my name is Mitch and I live in a small town in Texas. it's got like a couple of street lights and it's very, very exciting. Actually, it might be one of the fastest growing places in Texas right now because it's just crazy. The building is non-stop.
But I live out in the country. Like I literally ride a lawnmower to mow our lawn and it's fun. We don't have any goats or cows or sheep. We do have a couple of dogs and cats so nothing crazy there. Not to say that we aren't looking to expand into that area, but that's down the road for right now.
What I do have, like I said, besides the cats and the dogs, is a family that I adore. I have my husband Andrew. I call him my hunka-hunka-burnin’-love. So if you ever hear me referring to someone like that-that would be him. And I have my two beautiful baby girls courtesy of in-vitro. So for any of you out there knowing what that journey is like we'll get into that later.
Because you know it’s tough. There was a long time where I really wanted to be a mom and it didn’t seem possible and now I have it, so everything that I say, know that when I say it, man, I do not take motherhood for granted. It's something that is a blessing to me and that I am aware of how beautiful and wonderful and lucky that I have it. Because not everyone gets the chance and there are a lot of people out there that wish they could.
And… motherhood is still motherhood no matter how you got there, right?
So the reason I wanted to get together with you, my little fun rich Mama, and chat with you about what's going on in my world, is because I know that when you share things, when you get raw and vulnerable and down into that nitty-gritty, there's someone else out there that has your same story and needed to hear it. Because I, myself, have been healed by other people being vulnerable and by sharing those things that they wanted to hide in the closet.
And they thought if this ever came out, it would destroy me. Instead, it healed someone else and became something wonderful. I want to build this community, this group of women that are amazing mothers, who love the fact that they get to mold and create these beautiful humans that contain a piece of them and grow into wonderful, amazing people.
I want to build a community that also recognizes that to do this and to do a really good job of it, they need to continue to mold and develop themselves. So many of us, when we become moms—self-included, and I'll tell you a little story of how I got there—we forget that we're more than Mom. We get stuck in this mom role like the mom factory default settings come on. Sometimes I call it "Mom: Mighty Overwhelmed Mortal Mode," because literally you're just doing one thing to the next, to the next, and you forget to refill yourself. You forget that you were this really cool chick before these kids came along, that you had all these interests and desires that you liked to do, that were fun, and that you could carry on a conversation that didn’t have to do with being a parent.
I used to go out with people and talk about things not child-related, and sometimes that’s incomprehensible to me right now. I'll go out with my husband, we'll sit down, and inevitably the kids will come up at some point. I just think, "Oh well, you know, that's where we are in life right now," and that's great and wonderful because we love our girls. But I also try to remember to mix it up a little and make sure we're talking about our dreams, our desires, where we're at, and where we would like to go. Because the purpose of me was not to just be born to raise other children to be born to raise other children, and so on.
There's a bit of truth in that—that's the cycle of life; can't get past that. But the purpose of me is that there was a dream that I have, and for me to be an outstanding mother, I need to show my children how to go after and achieve that dream. Otherwise, all I am is talk to them. I'm just telling them from books and stories but not showing them real-life evidence that it's possible. I don’t want them to say, "I don't know if that stuff Mom told us was really true," and then get stuck in the grind, feeling like they're just going through the motions of life. I want them to see, in front of their faces, an actual experience. Mom said, "I can do this. I can pursue things." It will be work, and sometimes it will be hard, and that’s okay—that's part of the journey and it's achievable, attainable, something that you can do.
So that's why I'm here with you because this is my dream. This is my goal: going out there and, like I said, creating this community of women that feel empowered, this community of moms that know they are Mom and Beyond. Life can be so fun and so rich, and that's why we're here. It starts with us first. As they say, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy," right? We've all heard it, so we might as well work on getting Mama happy.
How do we do that? By making sure we are refueling ourselves and living up to the dreams inside of us. That doesn’t mean that just because you didn’t achieve every single dream and every single thing that you wanted, that all those goals... you know, if there were failures, celebrate those failures. That's good. You know why celebrating failures is good? Because it means you went out and you tried something. People who don't fail never try anything, so celebrate that. That is a goal in life: How many times can you fail, get back up, try something new, and go out and try again?
I'll be sharing some of the things that I’ve learned in my journeys. I've had really cool experiences in my life. Well, I'm going to take it back here, and we're going to do a little story time with Mama Mitch. Ready? Here we go.
Once upon a time, I was single for a very, very, very long time. I had grown up in Northern California, got my degree in theater, and moved down to LA because I wanted to become the next big star. Instead, I became the next bitter broke bartender. Who would have guessed? I mean, I can't say I was bitter. I've never been bitter; that's just not in my DNA. I might be bitter for like a minute, and then it just goes away because that’s just not me. But I was pretty broke, and I was bartending, and of course, I was realizing that I was failing at my dreams—not because I was going out and doing things, but more so because I wasn't even trying.
As much as it was disappointing at the time, in retrospect, I think it was a great thing to happen to me because it changed the trajectory of my life. It also gave me background for who I want to be and how I want to show up now. I went after that dream that I had since I was a little kid. We’d go and see a movie, and the first thing I’d do was run home, sit in front of a mirror, and act it out again. I’d cry, laugh, love, and do all the parts. That was who I wanted to be—I wanted to entertain. I wanted people to feel things because I helped them feel things. When I got down there, I didn't even really attempt it. I got the headshot, got into an acting class, did some background work—just enough to get my SAG card, and that’s really about it. I attempted to do some stuff with some friends, but I never really went out and did the work it took to become a successful working actor.
If there's anyone out there on that path, go for it. It’s work. You’ve got to go out and do it. Just do it. Get over your fears. Knock on the door, get in the classes, get in front of everyone you can, and do the work. I had too much fear around it.
Anyway, long story short, while I was out—no, okay, so long story even longer—I ended up in like a nine-year drought of being with anyone. When I say nine, maybe it was eight or nine years. I'm not saying I dated here and there and just didn’t have any relationships. No. It was like, none. No one, nothing. You can see how this is all working on my self-confidence. I'm broke, I'm bartending, I'm not doing the acting, and I'm single and alone in LA. Things are not looking my way.
I ended up getting involved in a network marketing company that happened to be in travel, which was really cool because I ended up getting these really great deals and traveling around the world with my mom and some friends. Yay! Kudos there. Got some good experiences, and I made some new friends, which is always good. But the biggest thing I have to give credit to that company was that they were huge in personal development and making sure that you really focused on who you are as an individual and started to work on yourself to become better. That was a world I hadn't really been introduced to. I found out about the Tony Robbinses of the world and all the people, and I started to get immersed in that world. That’s when I really started to learn that, hey, you know what? You really get to control the outcome of your life. It may not be the outcome of making a million dollars today, maybe, but it’s the outcome of choosing my attitude every single day.
I choose when I get up whether I get up on the wrong side of the bed or I am going to have a great day. I choose when my kids are crying and going crazy whether I react to them and become "Momster" back to them, or I take a breath, sit back, and say, "Okay, we need to try a different tactic here. Let’s get everyone back on track." I get to choose my reactions to the reality around me every single day. It was a long lesson for me to learn, but eventually, life started to change.
I ended up in Texas and oddly met a guy from California. We met playing sand volleyball, and he knew he was going to marry me right away. Apparently, a mutual friend of ours said to him, "Hey, did you see the new girl?" He saw me, we were in this Singles Club, and he saw me and thought, "I'll marry that." I didn't know this for a while. It took us a little time to get in sync, but then we did, and we ended up getting married. That’s a fun story for another time.
When we got together, I was 34, and I was 36 when we got married. I was 34 when we got together, so 36, never been married before. I was a bit of an older bride and wanted kids. I didn't know that I was ready for it, but here I am, 36, and he’d been married before, had kids, but was ready to have another child as well. Knowing where I was in my timeline, we thought, "Okay, let's go for this thing." We tried and tried and tried and tried and tried, and nothing was working. We went to see some doctors, got all the tests done, and we were what was considered "unexplained infertility." Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with him. Great, just exactly the answer you’re looking for.
Then we went and we tried all the other things. We tried the acupuncture, we tried the IUI, I had my feet up in the air. I'm sure there were diets that we tried, like every single different thing that you can find right on infertility. Finally, we ended up doing IVF, and it was on the second round where we finally became parents to our first daughter.
So, we have two girls. The second one—I knew I wanted to have two kids, and I was 41 when I delivered. Well, okay, I turned 41 eleven days after I delivered my first daughter. I asked the doctor, "How long do I have to wait? Because if I wait very long, it ain't going to happen." He said, "Okay, give yourself at least six months." So six months later, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, there I am, and I'm like, "Hey, what's up? Remember me? Let's do this thing," and I ended up with our second daughter. They are 15 months apart, and it's a lot of work, especially when they were young.
We were living in a really great place at the time, but we wanted to have more land. We wanted to get out into the country. Andrew's parents had been living in California, and they moved out to Texas. They found this small town where we're living right now. We had never heard of it before, but we were like, "Oh, this is a cool place." So, the way the timing worked out, and just everything, we finally ended up selling our house. We bought a lot, and we were going to build here. We moved into this little rental, 1972 original, like 1300 ft², and just dark brown, brown everything. Dark brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown. Original kitchen, no disposal, no microwave. I know these are first-world problems, but I tell you, living there for a while adds up.
Then they had these big onions outside and these gorgeous mature trees, which were beautiful when you were outside, but when you're inside, it made everything super dark. It was like we were in this dark box with all of our furniture pushed everywhere, toys everywhere, a one-and-a-half-year-old, and a two-and-a-half-year-old running around. Then COVID hit.
My husband still got to work, and I had been traveling the world for probably five or six years. I had been traveling the world actually doing coaching because we turned our lives around so much. I got into this position with this company, the network marketing company, and basically, I would go to their training events and coordinate their volunteer staff. As a thank you, we would do personal development coaching for them. It was super fun, and it was in partnership with another amazing lady who had put the program together and had approached me.
So here I was, like I said, I went from being large and in charge, traveling the world at least six to twelve times a year, having friends all over the place, running a room, being at the front and on stage, helping people change their lives, letting them know that you control your reality and your reactions. Then COVID hit, and the company shut down. I had one client that I was working for, and even with them, it was pretty stressful because they were having a hard time. I had these two babies at home. While everyone was making a run on toilet paper, I also noticed that the cookie dough seemed to be low at the store, so I thought, "Oh, people are onto something; maybe I should join them," and I'm pretty sure you can guess how that ended up—not so good.
The most interesting thing about my day when Andrew would come home was telling him, "I changed five poopy diapers today. Five! Our kids eat well!" I was like, "Woo, talk about a confidence gut." There was one day when the girls were just running around doing their thing. I was tripping over toys, bumping into things, in this super dark house, and I was just annoyed. They were just being two and three, nothing crazy, just normal two- and three-year-olds, right? As a mom, you know how they are. They're just running around and screaming. I just lost it. I totally lost it in that moment and became the monster—literally the monster. I remember screaming. I don't remember what I said, but I remember in my mind, I told myself, "Make yourself sound so mean and scary that they'll think you're a monster and just shut up."
No joke.
These beautiful little girls were just looking at me with these wide eyes, confused. They didn't really get what was going on, thank goodness. They were just looking lost, like, "What happened to Mommy?" Of course, I looked at their eyes and thought, "Oh my god, what have I done? I've just become the worst mom in the world." I started bawling—snot running down my nose and face, you know, the big ugly bawling, nothing pretty about it. I'm hugging them, saying, "I am so sorry, I am so sorry," and I felt like the worst person in the world. That's when I hit my rock bottom. I thought, "Who am I?" Literally earlier this year, I was traveling around the world telling people how you get to choose how you react. You don't have to let the world decide for you how to react; you get to choose that. Here I was, losing my mind. If I know all this stuff and I can barely handle it, I can only imagine what else is going on out there in the world.
It was a great lesson because I had to pull myself out again. I realized I needed to get myself together for me, for my family, my husband, my daughters. I know that there are other women out there going through the same thing, and they need to hear from someone else to know that they're normal, that they are okay, that nothing is wrong with them, and that this is part of motherhood. You can also get over that too. I'm happy to report that at this point in time, there may be a couple more monster moments, but over the last few years, they haven't been happening because I've gotten back on track. I've been working to make life simpler and uncomplicate things as much as I can, to work and dance with the flow of life rather than resisting it and pushing it away.
That's where we end up today on this podcast, which I have to give props to my husband for because he's the one who came up with the idea. I wanted to do all these crazy Hollywood things—I was literally ready to invest in a crane because I had these ideas for flying shots. We didn't have the budget for it, but I would figure it out, and it was going to be really cool. It was just getting all sorts of crazy, and Andrew, so great, just looks at me and says, "Why don't you just do a podcast?" It was literally a light bulb moment in my life. I thought, "Oh my gosh, you're so smart; this is why I married you. This is a great idea because it's simple, and simplicity is the best way to go."
So here we are. We got to spend some time together. We're going to do it all. We're going to talk about being Mom, right? We're going to talk about being Beyond Mom—all of the things that we need to be to refuel ourselves so that we can be those great parents we dreamed of and have the passionate relationship we wanted. When we were little girls, we didn't think about being a princess and being rescued so that one day we could live in a stuck-in-routine, bored, or walking-on-eggshells, roommate situation. We wanted it to be happily ever after. Again, we get into these routines.
So relationships, we're going to be talking about that, and we're going to be talking about friendships. Oh my gosh, how many "I need a friend" mom groups are there on Facebook? Or you see the posts on Facebook where it's like, "This is what a friend is, and as long as you call me once every blue moon, I'm okay, that's all I need." There's just so much more.
We're going to talk about having passions and pursuing them. We're going to talk about decorating—I love HGTV. I watch it when I work out, so I'm probably going to be talking about decorating. You know why? Because it matters to me, and I'm guessing there are some other people who like to pay attention to their homes too. So we're in on that one.
We're just going to do it all because that's who we are as women and mothers. I like to think of us as a beautiful diamond. You can't have a diamond that shines brilliantly with just one cut; it has to have all those different facets catching the light to be brilliant. So that's what we're going to do—we're going to take our little diamonds out, buff them up, put some light on them, and make them shine and sparkle so that we can really go out there and live these fun, rich lives that we know we are capable of.
Is there going to be some stuff that comes down every now and then? Are we going to run into some trouble? Sure, yeah, it's part of life. We can't get over that. It's part of the experience. It's just how you take it and run with it after that, though. What are your time frames? This is a good one. Are you living in it for a long time? When something happens, are you the type of person that drags it around forever, or are you saying, "Okay, got it, I can get over it, moving on, I appreciate the lesson, and let's rock this thing"?
So I am so excited about continuing this journey with you, and oh, we're going to have some guests as well. I have access to, I think, some really amazing people. I also want to do something coming down the road that I'm going to call "Come as You Are." This one I'm really excited about because it's just going to be interviewing some friends of mine or just moms that I meet—just daily moms that I meet.
Sometimes the best stories are just hearing from your neighbor and how they run their day and their life, and you know, hearing, "Oh, you do that too? Okay, great, me too!" It doesn't have to be an expert; it just needs to be someone that you hear your story in, and it makes you feel alive and better and more confident. So we'll be doing that too. Really looking forward to that.
This is going to be interactive, so comment, email me, let me know what it is that you want to hear. What is it that you're needing? Because I would love to hear it and see what I can do to walk us through that together, okay? We'll just grow this friendship, and as with anything, especially with women, man, we work best in communities.
So if you've got anyone that you know who feels the same way and they just know that there's more in life and that they want to be the best mom and beyond, please share this episode with them and let them know. Just say, "Hey, come with me, let's lock arms with this crazy chick, let's go have some fun and let's grow together," because life is so much more fun when you do it with friends, right?
Now, with that, I'm going to leave you with a cheesy joke. Why? Because I love cheesy jokes. I mean, most people call them dad jokes; we call them mom jokes. Now I've got my girls doing them. Anytime we're at a store, they're telling the jokes, and it's just such a pleasure. So, are you ready?
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fshhhh.
Alright, ladies, with that, make it a fun, rich life. Until next week, I will talk to you soon.
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